BIG MOUTH BIG ASS BIG HEART

Beyonce wears Kim. Come Christmas day I will be wearing Dereon, which is a similar thing really.

WELL AND TRULY

It's over Edward. They are all buying the Team Jacob badges at The Children's Bookshop now.

HEN/TIM TAM

For "THIS IS NOT A ROCKSHOP". Opening 6pm Thursday 3rd December DAF106 Aro St.

THE LADYFEST GROUP SHOW

Come along for free beer and my boy Stephen Jackson doing a bangin' set of ballads. ALSO babes who make art. This is gonna be a sweet intro to a very special Ladyfest.

R O C K S H O P L Y R I C S

SLOW PATROL

croon along, croon along

can you walk the fretboard sober?

slip up, you’ll be arrested

before the jam is over.

playing, driving, red/blue lights

progress, I’m not sure

there’s rules and regulations

but we’re above the law

they lurk out on the roads

can’t see into our band

we play with tinted windows

look outside at the man

PATTY THE POETRY WARRIOR

I'm gonna be the next JK Tolkien
Wanna drop by have a drink with me
I write poetry, I paint too
Stagecoach fucked me up and I'm gonna sue

I got buds, I got hot young men
I see 'em walk by, I invite 'em in
Poetry warrior woos with words
The police come by, so I give them a verse

When I bonk I shit myself
I'm home sick from work and I'm drinking to my health

GIRL STUFF

I spread rumours I know aren’t true

I started acting tough

as soon as I put makeup on

I wanna scratch it off

I’m often mean to people

before I know them at all

I’ve heard of oral sex but what it is I’m not quite sure

I only wear black and I love it

sex it toilets is unromantic

please god keep your private bits private

I think boys can look good in makeup

they were gonna have sex

but they didn’t know what to do

in home and away on tv

and I’m kinda worried, yeah I’m really worried

that that’s gonna happen to me

CONFESSIONAL CULTURE

Confessional culture, thank you Oprah

Dream it make it do it, thanks Martha Stewart

Misty eyes, Christmas pies

Make me over make me over, oh you who are wise

Home making, corporate taking,

The world is mine by humble baking

Lets talk let’s talk lets talk show

Women on the talk show, lets go

HUFFER
Let me show you alcoholic
As I vomit on the floor
When I stumble from the pavement
Into your cool store

Projectile spew
Meets target market
Your name implies you're edgy
But this ain't a good party

And then I'll show you huffer
Drool on the nice hoods
Getting dumb on air freshner
the seasons hottest look

Snot and slime
Messy eyed
Teen pastime
Meets teen clothesline

NOT FROM VENUS NOR MARS

Michael Jackson. The most recognisable fame on the planet yet within a constant tornado of speculation. It's so very odd that there can be such debate about the actions, orienatations and idiosyncrasies of someone who seemed never to be left alone. The catalogs of his belongings remain online after his death. Of all the hoarded things the life-size figures win the odd stakes. Who creates a model of a woman in a dressing gown, holding a copy of 'Men are from Venus, Women are from Mars"? And what kind of person Michael, would buy such a thing?

CANDYFLOSS HAIRDOS

Sometimes after a number of ho-hum evenings, you find you are suddenly having way more fun than you have come to expect. On Saturday you buy a last-minute ticket to the Zombie Prom. There's a few hours 'til it happens, you decide to dress up. Your hair is like candyfloss, too easily big. It's made for teasing. A friend is an expert in the blackening of eyes. A lace slip and skeezy sparkly dress are topped off with a flashing Y2K addition to the hair and meat on a chain round the neck. The Hairdos play. They are perfect for the ocassion. This three piece band works so well. Their songs seem to be mostly about slacking off, nasties, death and brains. They are playng to an audience of sympathetic "lost causes" caked with corpse paint and dribbling fake blood. The sounds are real murky, the drums clomp and the keys churn. They really get into this zombie-type-shit, you reckon, they don't play with a smooth gait that's for sure, it's all stops and starts and screams. You buy the CD, it's 5 bones for 4 tracks, special art drawn on for the ocassion. You get slipped a dry ice, but you're onto him cos your beer erupts into a spawning mess. You like to have a dance and tonight is no exception. The DJ's song choices please you. Flailing hordes attempt a conga line and a Thriller dance, then scrap over a man-sized piñata. Detrytus power into a mammoth bogan roar, much twiddly dee dee and scream. Head-bangy stuff. You are thankful for the gross glamour. It's all relaxed and good-fun bawdy. This lot isn't wound-up nor aloof. You love it.

Oooooooh! A Magic Bookcase!

Step inside, gain new perspectives.

HOST A SPRAY TAN PARTY TODAY

Spray tan party photography.
Tupperware party photography.
Scrapbooking pajama party photography.

CAN'T HOLD US DOWN

It's happening, and it's going to rule.

MOTHER & DAUGHTER?

Just assume so.

NOTEWORTHY

Carmel has made a handsome new zine. Her palette and shapes charm, and remind me of a Brian Wildsmith. Here is a picture from his nice book "Puzzles" that I took acquired recently.

People want to stick my things in their mouths.

OH SHIT!

Check out the fruitless public awareness campaign the Wellington City Council have sprung upon us now. This is a town where thousands of people clawed to get tickets to the Luminate dance party. A lasers-and-lights extravaganza of horrors where one is covered in paint, playing on "tribal instincts within all of us to come together (with Tiki Taane, no less) and be part of something larger than ourselves". We are unlikely to be moved by this absurd suburban sleeve scene. For pity's sake.

Falsetto

LOST MY MIND

ON THE FRIDGE AT MY FLAT

You don't have to be passive aggressive. A colorful collage will ensure attention of all flatmates to grotty old food detail.

NOLA

This is my nana. I wear those sunglasses thesedays. I try to take really good care of them.

ENRICH YOUR LANGUAGE

Bootylicious is in my new dictionary as is ghetto fabulous (adj characterized by gaudy, extravagant, and often sexually alluring clothes) and sexercise (n sexual activity, regarded as a way of keeping fit). Posts will be diverse now.

MUG SHOT 1

Return of the FANzine.

The public library does it again with new additions to the zine collection. Zines created by year 9 students of Wellington East Girls are now available for issue. I was thrilled to find that suddenly there were new zines about hotties, wrestling, famous African Americans (Oprah content alert!) and Britney's breakdown. I am celebrating the return of the fanzine: There were crushy lusty Twilight series tributes galore.

I AM MENTIONED IN EMAILS TO ME

Hi

Thanks for visiting and bring back the tent, last night. I was
concerned about you looking tired. When I suggested coming over to
our place it was okay if you had said to me mum I'm tired can we meet
half way or you come to my flat or maybe another night. It was great
to see you though.

Enjoy your birthday tea tonight and have a good week.

Kind regards

Hi

I assume you enjoyed your weekend. We briefly talked about catching
up for lunch but the week seems to have passed us by. Hope you are
enjoying your time off. I think it is this weekend you are heading to
Auckland. Have a fab time and enjoy your trip.

Kind regards

Hi

We talked about it on Friday night. Hope you had a great weekend
because the weather was fantastic. The races were so much fun. Let
me know what nights you are free next week. Kim is keen to join us,
Love

Hi Darling

Know you are busy but will possibly need to put the piano on Trade Me
also so wondered when you would be back with my camera.

love

Hi

Thanks for your help. I have sold the bricks and have reserve on the
rosewood dressing table and cabinet. I can see how it is addictive,
love

Hi

Would you kind keeping the box I brought the wine around in. I meant to take it home with me as it is good for packing bottles. I'll get it off you sometime, Kind regards

YOUR KNEE LOOKS LIKE THE FACE OF A CHERUB

Unsettling page to colour.