NATURAL GLOW SONGS 4 U

My band made a tape. You can downloadit, or get in touch if you want an actual cassette. We also have t-shirts and patches.
I sing mostly about my fat ass & general bawdiness.

http://naturalglow.bandcamp.com/album/young-gifted-fat

WELLINGTON ZINEFEST 20TH NOVEMBER

I'm back on board the Wellington Zinefest committee this year. November 20th at Mighty Mighty is locked in so if you want a stall you can go to the blog and fill in the form. We are keen to have a prescence of DIY/ Self-released music this year, and also welcome any suggestions/ interest in presenting workshops & talks. Get amongst it.

3 X Rock Shop tracks uploaded now.

3 X Rock Shop tracks uploaded now.

3x free mp3s of vaying quality from wild bungling punks and rockers you may never have seen or heard B4.

Much love. Check it out. It's a sketchy gift, dudes.

http://soundcloud.com/nice-sass

<3 ヘ(^_^ヘ)(ノ^_^)ノ <3

Lyrics. The parts that I yell are set in caps.

WHEN DADS CRY
RUFFLED FEATHERS AT FAMILY BARBEQUE
SALTY ONION DIP
COLESLAW JUICE RUINS SERVIETTES
SHIT A FUCKING BRICK

TIPSY PETS GET WRINKLY KISSES
BLISTER UP AND BARE FEET PRICKLE
TODDLER YEARS ARE PINK AND TICKLED
TEENAGES BOTH CRUEL AND FICKLE

OFF THEY GO RUB CROTCHES BUM SMOKES
SAUSAGE WAXES OVER IN THE FRIDGE
HE CAN IMAGINE THE TECHNO NONSENSE
IN HIS DAUGHTER'S MAKE-UP SO THICK

SMALL CHILDREN HEADACHE
BIG CHILDREN HEARTACHE

READY TO DRUNK
I'VE ALREADY DRUNK ALL MY RTDS
I WANNA TEXT HIM COS IM SO FUCKING HORNY
I THINK I LEFT MY PHONE ON TOP OF THE TOILET AT BURGER KING
MY CHICKEN BREAST BRA SLIMES ON MY TIT

IM CARRYING MY HEELS
A BIT OF MEAT GOT IN MY CLEAVAGE
MY G-STRING, MY ASS, MY SKIRT, BLEW UP

TAR PIT
YOU HAVE GONE AND SUNK REALLY LOW THIS TIME
PALEONTOLOGY IS A KEEN INTEREST OF MINE
JUST TRY AND CLAW OUT THROUGH THE ASPHALT
I'M COOKING WITH THE BONES OF MAMMOTHS

WIDE ON
NEANDERTHAL STRENGTH AND MISTY SWEAT
HEAVY BEARDY METAL HAIR
I'M SITTING LIKE YOU'RE DRUMMING
BUMPIN' IN MY CHAIR
WIDE ON, WIDE ON
RIGHT ON, WE'RE ON

BAG OF RUBBISH
DAY OLD DELI SANDWICH
REDUCED PRICE BUT HIGH IN FOUL
HAIRBRAIN SCHEMES, RASHY SKIN
PORRIDGE JOWLS AND DOGGY STINK
CHIN SKIN HANG LIKE AN AVALANCHE OF WET SPECKLED CEMENT
A WASH WOULD NOT MASK THE WHIFF OF BEING THICK AS PIGSHIT

HIPPY TIMING
HIPPY TIMING
IT DRAGS ON
WHAT IS THIS BUM JAM
WRITE A SONG

AGGRESSIVE SCRAPBOOKING ACCESSORY SALESWOMAN
FRAMING FAMILIES
BORDERING ON REPULSIVE
HOLE PUNCH HEAD PUNCH

BOY BUS
JACK THREW A PROCESSED CHEESE SLICE AT MY HEAD
I GAVE HIM A WET WILLY AND HE FARTED LIKE AN EGGY SWAMP
WHAT A GAY FUCKING DICK
WHAT A PUSSY LITTLE BITCH

Nicolas Cage

Vampire's Kiss is a great movie. Nicolas Cage does an amazing exasperated, amazing crazy. Here is my Nicolas Cage fan art.

I NEEDED THAT

BIG MOUTH BIG ASS BIG HEART

Beyonce wears Kim. Come Christmas day I will be wearing Dereon, which is a similar thing really.

WELL AND TRULY

It's over Edward. They are all buying the Team Jacob badges at The Children's Bookshop now.

HEN/TIM TAM

For "THIS IS NOT A ROCKSHOP". Opening 6pm Thursday 3rd December DAF106 Aro St.

THE LADYFEST GROUP SHOW

Come along for free beer and my boy Stephen Jackson doing a bangin' set of ballads. ALSO babes who make art. This is gonna be a sweet intro to a very special Ladyfest.

R O C K S H O P L Y R I C S

SLOW PATROL

croon along, croon along

can you walk the fretboard sober?

slip up, you’ll be arrested

before the jam is over.

playing, driving, red/blue lights

progress, I’m not sure

there’s rules and regulations

but we’re above the law

they lurk out on the roads

can’t see into our band

we play with tinted windows

look outside at the man

PATTY THE POETRY WARRIOR

I'm gonna be the next JK Tolkien
Wanna drop by have a drink with me
I write poetry, I paint too
Stagecoach fucked me up and I'm gonna sue

I got buds, I got hot young men
I see 'em walk by, I invite 'em in
Poetry warrior woos with words
The police come by, so I give them a verse

When I bonk I shit myself
I'm home sick from work and I'm drinking to my health

GIRL STUFF

I spread rumours I know aren’t true

I started acting tough

as soon as I put makeup on

I wanna scratch it off

I’m often mean to people

before I know them at all

I’ve heard of oral sex but what it is I’m not quite sure

I only wear black and I love it

sex it toilets is unromantic

please god keep your private bits private

I think boys can look good in makeup

they were gonna have sex

but they didn’t know what to do

in home and away on tv

and I’m kinda worried, yeah I’m really worried

that that’s gonna happen to me

CONFESSIONAL CULTURE

Confessional culture, thank you Oprah

Dream it make it do it, thanks Martha Stewart

Misty eyes, Christmas pies

Make me over make me over, oh you who are wise

Home making, corporate taking,

The world is mine by humble baking

Lets talk let’s talk lets talk show

Women on the talk show, lets go

HUFFER
Let me show you alcoholic
As I vomit on the floor
When I stumble from the pavement
Into your cool store

Projectile spew
Meets target market
Your name implies you're edgy
But this ain't a good party

And then I'll show you huffer
Drool on the nice hoods
Getting dumb on air freshner
the seasons hottest look

Snot and slime
Messy eyed
Teen pastime
Meets teen clothesline

NOT FROM VENUS NOR MARS

Michael Jackson. The most recognisable fame on the planet yet within a constant tornado of speculation. It's so very odd that there can be such debate about the actions, orienatations and idiosyncrasies of someone who seemed never to be left alone. The catalogs of his belongings remain online after his death. Of all the hoarded things the life-size figures win the odd stakes. Who creates a model of a woman in a dressing gown, holding a copy of 'Men are from Venus, Women are from Mars"? And what kind of person Michael, would buy such a thing?

CANDYFLOSS HAIRDOS

Sometimes after a number of ho-hum evenings, you find you are suddenly having way more fun than you have come to expect. On Saturday you buy a last-minute ticket to the Zombie Prom. There's a few hours 'til it happens, you decide to dress up. Your hair is like candyfloss, too easily big. It's made for teasing. A friend is an expert in the blackening of eyes. A lace slip and skeezy sparkly dress are topped off with a flashing Y2K addition to the hair and meat on a chain round the neck. The Hairdos play. They are perfect for the ocassion. This three piece band works so well. Their songs seem to be mostly about slacking off, nasties, death and brains. They are playng to an audience of sympathetic "lost causes" caked with corpse paint and dribbling fake blood. The sounds are real murky, the drums clomp and the keys churn. They really get into this zombie-type-shit, you reckon, they don't play with a smooth gait that's for sure, it's all stops and starts and screams. You buy the CD, it's 5 bones for 4 tracks, special art drawn on for the ocassion. You get slipped a dry ice, but you're onto him cos your beer erupts into a spawning mess. You like to have a dance and tonight is no exception. The DJ's song choices please you. Flailing hordes attempt a conga line and a Thriller dance, then scrap over a man-sized piñata. Detrytus power into a mammoth bogan roar, much twiddly dee dee and scream. Head-bangy stuff. You are thankful for the gross glamour. It's all relaxed and good-fun bawdy. This lot isn't wound-up nor aloof. You love it.

Oooooooh! A Magic Bookcase!

Step inside, gain new perspectives.

HOST A SPRAY TAN PARTY TODAY

Spray tan party photography.
Tupperware party photography.
Scrapbooking pajama party photography.

CAN'T HOLD US DOWN

It's happening, and it's going to rule.

MOTHER & DAUGHTER?

Just assume so.

NOTEWORTHY

Carmel has made a handsome new zine. Her palette and shapes charm, and remind me of a Brian Wildsmith. Here is a picture from his nice book "Puzzles" that I took acquired recently.

People want to stick my things in their mouths.